This is a testimony of a hypocrite. For almost 36 years, I was very sure that I was going to heaven when I died. I based this on an experience when I was a teenager, when I was drawn to some of the truths that I heard from the play “Godspell” which contained passages from the book of Matthew. Although the experience was emotional, I was dangerously unaware of my sinful condition before a Holy God. Consequently, for the next three and a half decades, not only was my good fruit non-exsistent, I had plenty of bad fruit as evidence that there was something wrong. Even though I knew better than to say the words, Christianity seemed to be something that could only be done successfully by sheer will alone. My own self-efforts put me in an awkward place of not fitting into the world comfortably and yet always feeling out of place with the body of believers here on earth. Despite my unease I plowed on, convinced of my salvation. I was like the man who took the honored position next to the host at the wedding banquet in Luke 14:
“When you are invited by someone to a wedding banquet, do not recline at table in the place of honor. A more distinguished guest than you may have been invited by him, and the host who invited both of you may approach you and say, 'Give your place to this man,' and then you would proceed with embarrassment to take the lowest place. Rather, when you are invited, go and take the lowest place so that when the host comes to you he may say, 'My friend, move up to a higher position.' Then you will enjoy the esteem of your companions at the table. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."
If I had died, Jesus would have told me to give my seat to someone more distinguished than me. I know I would have been shocked at His words. In the fall of 2007, when my son was getting ready to have major brain surgery, I happened upon a recording by Ray Comfort called “Hell’s Best Kept Secret” . He clearly communicated to me the principle of man’s depravity by pointing out how no-one has been able to keep even one of the Ten Commandments. This revelation was the beginning of a recent journey for me that has forced me to come to terms with my wretched condition, and opened up the true message of the scriptures in ways I could have never imagined. I began to see a common thread through the Word that only the ones who are humble and take the lowest place at the foot of the table will be saved. Once I understood that, the Holy Spirit began showing me how truly undeserving I was and still am for even the crumbs from His table. But God is good, and after repenting and turning to Him, He gave me such a better place at the table than I could have ever imagined. He has planted me in good soil, brought me to a faithful church with people who know Him and Love Him, and He has opened up His Word so that I can eat from a veritable banquet table. He saved a wretch who was blind, and made me see.
